Apparently I never published the reasons why the French insist on politeness here. So, here they are.
France, like another country with which I am quite familiar, ditched a monarchy. It took the USA seven years. It took France a century. To be fair, the monarch lived in France, but across an ocean from the United States. Now that brought up a problem of personal address. With an established nobility (also still living in country) there were established ways to greet nobles. You wouldn’t just go up to a Compte (Count), slap him on the back and ask, “How’s it hangin’, old buddy?” And then the lower classes were designed and created by God (according to the nobility) for the nobility to ignore and walk all over. Suddenly, though, Lafayette, with some advice from Thomas Jefferson (told you that these two countries had similar beginnings) went to work on a “Delcaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen.” That document is a portion of the constitution of the Fifth Republic of France. It is not unlike the Bill of Rights, so I won’t go into what it grants, but I will point out that, with that document joining the official government papers, you couldn’t just ignore the peasantry any more. But, then how to address a former peasant?
The revolutionaries, much like the later Bolsheviks in Russia, invented all sorts of ridiculous answers to that question. Heck, “comrade” might even have been one of them, but those ideas died after the Reign of Terror. Along with thousands of humans, of course. But, probably during the reign of Napoleon Bonaparte, the following ideas were adopted.
To say hello, say bonjour. Bonjour is a compound word, a portmanteau it’s called, combining bon which is “good” and jour which is “day.” Because, when meeting a noble, you want to wish them a good day, of course.*
Consider the politics. Those nobles didn’t want to give up being addressed respectfully, and who could blame them? But if everyone is addressed as nobility, they won’t lose, and the peasantry gains. How much do the peasants gain? Well, consider that madame is made from the words ma, or feminine “my” and dame, or lady. When you call the store clerk madame you are calling her “My Lady.” Same with monsieur. Mon is the masculine “my” and sieur is an old way to say “lord” so you’re calling the guy fixing your car, or lunch or whatever, “My Lord.” That’s a big step up from invisibility, I’d say.
Of course, one also uses please and thank-you when addressing a noble, so now Si’l vous plait or S’il te plait are now used politely for everyone. Thank you is the relatively well-known, merci! And then, not to insult your noble, you end with something like “Thank you, see you next time!” Right? Well, Au revoir translates into “Until We See Each Other Again.” Et voila! There were tender alliances to be tended to in the government, the nobility would not accept demotion, but they did accept de jure promotion for everyone else. In other words, in France, everyone is nobility. Noble titles are strictly honorary, and that’s been true for a long time, but the fact remains that everyone in the country (including tourists) is to be treated like nobility. Well, in greeting and transacting business anyway, if not in privilege. Add that to the fact that French restaurant dining is a more relaxed, drawn-out affair, during which you must ask for the check (addition) when you’re ready to pay, Now, if you haven’t used all the proper greetings, etc, and you’re an impatient American diner, you think that the French are impolite, when in fact the opposite is true.
And that’s the truth!
* The way to wish someone a good day is now “bonne journée”. A journée was once a day trip, now it’s a day.
The title of this post means “Being Polite.”