Frequently Asked Questions

You asked for it, so here it is:

(by, as usual, Steve Fey)

How come you just sit there after the light so clearly turns green? Huh?

Just what is an Elemeno, and what’s that about its pee?

Exactly what is the purpose of life? Asking ridiculous questions? C’mon, spill!

What is that orange stuff that they use to color Cheetos?

Why do bad things happen to good people. Maybe more importantly, why do good things happen to bad people?

Who wrote the book of Love? And what’s with chapter XXIII?

What’s this hanging out of my nose?

Is this the men’s room?

How do you get ketchup stains out of your shirt?

What’s the speed limit on this road?

Where am I and what am I doing?

Am I dreaming? I sure hope I’m dreaming? Where’s my pants?

What’s that *%$) noise that the modem makes when it connects?

Damn! How far did you say it was to the next rest area?

Why do you always find something in the last place you look?*

Why is the boss always dumber than you?

Is it time for lunch yet?

Is it Friday yet?

Where in *$#% did I leave my keys?

Where’s the remote?

Oh, man, is that ref blind?

Why don’t you stop and ask somebody?

How do they get it to do that?

Is this day ever going to end?

Are we there yet?

Can I get a tattoo?

If everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you jump, too?

How did that big ship get into that little bottle?

Why on earth do you expect any answers from a page that specifically says it’s devoted to questions?

*If you don’t know the answer to this one, write to me and I’ll tell you about a great opportunity to buy some ocean front property in Phoenix